dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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