There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
