i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
