She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Church boner. Awkwardddd
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
