no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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