I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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