He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Randomize
