I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
