What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Terrible idea I love it
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
