he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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