woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
