i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
