I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
