I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize