Ambien. No doubt about it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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