This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
