That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
