im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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