Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
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I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
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