You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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