Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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