I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
