can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
