So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
