This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
