Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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