Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
