Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
