She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
