He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I wish you could order shots online.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
