so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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