You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Randomize
