why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
