I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
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RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
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I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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