just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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