I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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