I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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