i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
