When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
