And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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