All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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