I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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