she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
