Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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