If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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