He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
