census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
