Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
