you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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