Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
