My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
