turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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