have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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