Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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