You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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