so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
