it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
