no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
