The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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