im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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