he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
