Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
