...so i touched it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
