that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
