Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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