I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
