After last night, I could never be a politician.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize