community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
