I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
