Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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