Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
