I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
