Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize