I am in a vortex of obligation.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
