Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
